Bébé Day By Day, 100 Keys to French Parenting

Gara-gara baca review tentang Bringing Up Bébé di Mommies Daily, saya jadi terilhami (ups, nyebut nama suami :p) untuk mencari buku serupa. Pas kemarin ke Jakarta, kebetulan suami bisa mampir ke (ak.'sa.ra). Sayangnya, saya nggak berhasil mendapatkan buku Bringing Up Bébé, tapi sebagai gantinya ada buku Bébé Day By Day oleh penulis yang sama, Pamela Druckerman. Buku ini lebih banyak membahas tentang bagaimana cara menerapkan French Parenting, yang dibagi menjadi 100 tips penting. Singkat kata,how to applied French Parenting in everyday life. 

Memang apa sih yang membedakan gaya pengasuhan ala Perancis dengan gaya pengasuhan negara lain? Ternyata ya banyak! Seperti yang diungkap Vanshe dalam review bukunya, para orang tua Perancis mementingkan prinsip keseimbangan peran. Artinya, sebagai ibu, kita bisa mengasuh anak tanpa menghilangkan identitas kita sebagai seorang istri dan perempuan. Orang tua Perancis juga percaya dan menerapkan batasan pada anak, bahkan sudah dimulai sejak bayi. 

Nah, dalam buku Bébé Day By Day, Pamela membagi buku menjadi beberapa bagian. Mulai dari masa kehamilan, melahirkan, tumbuh kembang bayi, aturan yang perlu diterapkan di rumah, hingga soal me-time si Mama. Semua bagian punya tips yang menjadi kunci penerapan French Parenting. Banyak pernyataan dalam buku ini yang membuat saya terdiam dan berpikir sejenak, atau bahkan langsung 'jleb!' menohok hati. Berikut saya uraikan beberapa di antaranya.

There Are No "Kid" Foods (p.34). Starting from a very young age, French Kids mostly eat the same foods as their parents.

You Just Have to Taste It (p. 39). Kids have to take at least one bite of every dish that's on the table. Present the tasting rule to your child as if it's a law of nature - like gravity. Explain that our tastes are shaped by what we eat.

Keep Meals Short and Sweet (p. 47). Dinner is not a hostage situation. Don't expect young kids to stay at the table for longer than 20 or 30 minutes. When they asked to be liberated, let them go. With age comes longer meals.

Don't Rush the Developmental Stages (p. 53). The French have a saying: "You can't go faster than the music." They believe that a child will roll over, rise up, get potty-trained, and start to talk when he's good and ready. Parents should lovingly encourage and support him - not turn his childhood into boot camp.

Back Off at the Playground (p. 57). French parents believe that once a child can walk on his own and safety climb up the slide, their job is to watch from the sidelines as he plays. They give him a chance to work out conflicts on his own. 

Slow Down Your Response Time (p. 63). Embrace a French pace of life. When you're busy, politely point out to your child what you're doing, and ask her to take it in. Slowing things down even this little bit will make her better at coping with boredom and take the panicky edge off things. Patience is a muscle. The more a child plays on her own, the better she gets at it.

Treat Kids as if They Can Control Themselves (p. 64). A child needs to learn the limits, but she also needs love. It takes both love and frustration for the child to construct himself. If you give the child just love without limits, she'll soon become a little tyrant.

Cope Calmly with Tantrums (p. 69). You shouldn't concede to an unreasonable demand. Tantrums don't change the rules. French parents say that kids are understandably angry when they can't have or do something. The parents try to show sympathy and to let kids express their discontent. Be calm and sympathetic without giving in.

Respect a Child's Space, and He'll Respect Yours Too (p. 83). Autonomy is something fundamental that your child needs. Granting him autonomy - as he's ready- shows that you trust and respect him. Give him this and he's more likely to respect what you need too. 

You Can Be Happier Than Your Least Happy Child (p. 94). It doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It means that you're a separate person with your own needs and temperament. It's best to respond to an upset child with objectivity and calm. You're modeling the way you'd like her to feel. 

Say "No" with Conviction. Say "Yes" as Often as You Can (p. 110-111). 

Sometimes Your Child Will Hate You (p. 113). If you need your child to like you all the time, you simply cannot do your job. Be strong and your child will find her place.

Sometimes There's Nothing You Can Do (p. 118). Know to fold ‘em. There are times when nothing works, and you have to wait it out. 

Itu baru sebagian saja dari 100 kunci French Parenting. Bagi saya pribadi, buku ini memberikan sudut pandang lain dalam gaya pengasuhan saya. Meski kalau dipikir-pikir, ada beberapa bagian yang sebetulnya juga mirip dengan apa yang diajarkan Mama pada saya dan adik-adik dulu, seperti makan apa saja yang tersedia di meja (well, it worked for me, but not for my brothers :p). Juga ketika Mama mengajarkan pada saya untuk tidak langsung menggendong Rasya saat ia menangis. Biarkan ia menangis sejenak, baru digendong kemudian. Bukan buru-buru mengambil dan menenangkannya J

Satu hal yang pasti, saya mendapat banyak pencerahan setelah membaca buku ini. Saya merasa perlu merefleksikan kembali: mau mendidik Rasya seperti apa? Maklum, sebagai orang tua muda, kadang kita mudah terpengaruh apa kata orang sekitar, majalah, buku, atau informasi dari internet. Menurut saya, buku ini dapat jadi salah satu panduan ‘menyusun’ gaya pengasuhan ala kita sendiri. Saya ingin coba mengadopsi beberapa gaya pengasuhan ala Perancis, tetapi tetap mengakar pada nilai-nilai ke-Indonesia-an yang memang sudah mendarah daging. Bagaimanapun, misi orang tua adalah merawat dan membesarkan anak. Menjadi orang tua adalah perjalanan belajar seumur hidup!